Raw Self-Work: 5 Layers of Patterns I Track in Self-Exploration for Thinking and Communication

There are different layers to how we perceive patterns in our lives. At the highest level is the transcendental layer, layer 0, pure love energy, the beginning of everything, the essence where we all ultimately belong. I do not talk about this layer because I cannot track it. I can only pursue it in presence. Some of what follows will be technical but good for thinking. Some of it will be purely personal but entirely real. Most of it will be daily, simple, observable, if you put serious work into self-observation and circle breaking.

Layer 1: Meta-Meta-Meta. I am observing myself observing

I am not just living patterns. I am watching myself and consciously observing myself observing and living them.

This level proves to me that consciousness is not mind and not a trauma-based pattern, because you can observe an object or action only from outside of it. Simple philosophy and logic. That means change is possible. Tremendously hard but doable. It also tells me that all theories about electric impulses that create us as us are not grounded. There is something bigger than just mind: consciousness. I personally think it is a small part of the ignition we get from pure love everything is made of.

Layer 1 is an entry point to all patterns. The idea of this article is to show where to look in order to make some change and live organically. But to do that I first had to show that change is possible and that organic presence is possible too, as well as the fact that you can track what is organic to you and what is not. This layer is about thinking patterns.

Layer 2: Meta-Meta. I am observing myself

This is a very practical layer. I believe self-observing people must practise it every day to become more conscious about everything that happens in their life and consequences of that. I summarise it to one short question - the quintessence of this layer:

To what Am I paying my attention, now and at any other moment?

A conscious person can tell what they pay attention to at any time of day or night. Your energy goes where your attention goes, so be conscious about that. An honest answer to this question, at any given moment, is what divides a conscious person from one who is not.

Layer 2 is I am observing myself building layers, naming them and trying to structure them while patterns are still happening to me in real time. I am observing myself writing this article about patterns.

Layer 3: Meta. Awareness of patterns across lifetimes

This layer is one you will not see often in books or blogs. It gets skipped. It sits in a gap between common psychology and philosophy. Meta is this: I am consciously aware that I am mapping my own life across multiple lifetimes and they impact me, a lot.

Over years I managed to build a decent understanding of my preferences and roots those preferences come from. In my hierarchy everything traces back to layer 0 but layer 3 is direct proof that the transcendental is real. Here I dig to a root that drives and impacts me seamlessly. In my context, at this deep level, there is a very old pattern: a recurring connection between Britain and Eastern Mediterranean with Italy repeatedly acting as a bridge.

In the time of Cicero, I lived as a close political figure in the Roman Republic. I have ways to track this that I do not explain in this article but do explain in 1-on-1 mentoring. I had two more lives across Italy in different periods of history. In my most recent past life I was 14631104 Private M.R.G. Inglis from the Hampshire Regiment. I was born and raised near London in Southend-on-Sea. I left England very young, never fully built a life there, and was killed in action at the age of 19 on 8th April 1944 during the Battle of Monte Cassino in Italy.

That combination of roots has been active and strongly impacting my current life since childhood. From the age of 5 I was interested in World War II, in Greek mythology, in the Middle East traced back to the Epic of Gilgamesh times. For a long time I could not explain why certain things happened to me, let alone answer how I was creating them. But at some point I started spotting similarities that remained unexplained for years. Why I am attracted to certain things not explainable by simple psychology or philosophy. I will share those preferences further down.

I have seen Italy, first pop places, then remote, off-the-tourist-track places with deep personal meaning. One of those moments was a visit to Monte Cassino. But I had to go through a transformation to finally start listening to a light, calm call that had lived in me for decades before I got there. Same with Cicero and Roman Republic history. I 'coincidentally' found a book by an author I did not know and thought it was random (an English author) but I ended up reading his historical fiction about Cicero, about spies, about the Munich Agreement of 1939. It turned out not to be random. It led me to Sicily as I followed Cicero's paths, simply because something inside me calmly whispered despite all of the world's logic. A year later I understood one of my past lives and how I knew Cicero in those days.

Roots and unclosed errands I need to complete in this life are evident in women I am attracted to and vice versa. I always had a pull towards the British Isles, long before I could say a clear sentence in English. Over years that pattern stayed random to me until it stopped being random. I gathered enough evidence to build a clear image: deep roots keep expressing themselves through women who carry British heritage mixed with eastern energy or who are completely drawn to the East on a deeper level.

A few years ago I met a successful blonde English girl. We had a real connection, lived in different countries and managed to rush things and fail in direction it was supposed to go right at the beginning. We are friends now. Not long ago I met another girl, Scottish, with a little Middle Eastern blood. She is the opposite of successful at this moment in her life, a pattern I will come to later. Both girls are classic British in look and energy. I have been strongly attracted to that look and energy since I can remember myself, long before I knew much about the British Isles at all and certainly long before I could understand English well enough to consciously notice how attracted I am to certain accents from those places. They are attractive and pretty rather than strikingly beautiful, the type that is perfect for life. Both have a punchy yet sweet feminine energy, just with different sides leading. Both are mixed, just like me.

These women are nothing like my mother or anyone I grew up around or saw on telly. Those are just two examples. There are more.

When I look at all of this and connect it to my past lives and other experiences, I see clearly that context is not entirely up to me but it is entirely up to me whether I follow calm navigation inside or choose to follow purely mind, with all its traumas, conceptions and instagram wisdom that poisons me. I have to balance a lot.

Layer 4: Trauma-led choices / pattern

When it comes to psychology, these two women I mentioned perfectly mirror two opposite sides of my current life.

The successful English girl represents everything I never had: good family energy, good examples that nurtured manners and shaped a lot of my choices, structure, family Christmases and guidance on how to succeed. She is sweet, well-spoken and patient, but underneath she is punchy and driven. The Scottish bonny represents a lot of what I grew up around: semi-chaotic environment, drinking or absent parents, family problems. Both are hardworking. Both have clear goals, just like me. One has a small aggressive dog. The other has a cat and tends to be structured and calm. I am in the middle. I no longer fully belong to the semi-chaotic I came from but I have not yet arrived in the fully successful and well-mannered life I am building. And strangely, I still have a real chance with both of them. Everything now depends on me and which direction I choose to move.

This is what real self-development looks like to me. Not instagram wisdom. This is a brutal and honest reading of what I see and what I have managed to develop in myself through years of hard work, observing people leave and come, watching myself change and adapting to circumstances I cannot fully control.

Layer 5: Habit patterns

Not much new to say here. I track this layer to stay in good shape so I do not need to focus on what is already obvious. We all interact with it every second, the same way we interact with all other layers, just more visibly.

Conclusion

I connect all layers to explore myself and the world. Humanity's only mission is to explore and to go beyond the horizon. I do it from the inside and try to build things that will help all of us go beyond what is known.